Last updated on 27th February 2020
“Come on little lady, give us a smile”
No! Just Like A Fart, if you have to force it out its probably shit!
For someone who has probably read “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne, can’t help but wonder what is wrong in being positive? Like, Come on. What is wrong with the belief of not worrying but staying happy? Indeed it is, as it would be to tap on someone disheartened and selling him his far cry dream.
Our culture has grown less tolerant of people who smile a little less and refuse to look at the bright side. The positivity propaganda keeps slapping us in our faces espoused by top authors, vloggers, and influencers selling their fake unreachable version of a perfect life.
Forced positivity is extremely common on all possible platforms around. You hardly need any effort to notice this toxic trait. Social Media evidently tops it all corners with people flaunting just the good side of their lives. Creators like Pewds and Casey admitted, how the same been a soul-crushing to clip smile through the rough patches on the other side of the lens.
If we spare the gleaming names, we still have got enough simplistic positivity rant going on. Jump Into The Tyranny, shall we?
1. Pain with a punch of guilt, to have invited it over
The infamous law of attraction wants us to believe that the experiences in our lives are nothing but a reflection of our thought. While the philosophy is still questionable it does one job perfectly, making each one of us a little more miserable. Overvaluing our thoughts often lets us down, making us culpable for the trouble we fall in. As if it happened because we weren’t positive enough!
2. Cheering up might not always work, sadly…
A study published in Emotion claims that we might cling more to negative feelings when expecting not to. As a result, while we are forcing positivity, brooming negative thoughts under the positivity rug we might end up being sadder (yea it’s a word, duh!).
3. Your Thoughts are not You, Nope!
Another study in Psychological Science states, forcing statements onto yourself like “I’m a lovable person” might steer more insecurity. This take on forcing positivity to your life might come back and bite you in your own ass. Cripling your own emotions can tamper the psychology to handle optimism and pessimism equally. And the balance has got to stay there, to process the reality.
4. Visualizing success might make it tough
According to a psychology professor, and her colleagues, visualizing your success circumstantially might make you less likely to realize it and yea, add procrastination to it. I would like to quote Jobs here as “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward”. And some studies show how unrealistic expectations are just another recipe for disaster. Pessimistic thinking might drive you to push harder to your goals though? Well, maybe…
5. A bad temperament might produce better results
Though some might agree and some might not, a negative mood can induce better quality work. Sad can be both influential and persuasive than a positive mind and even improve memory.
6. Negativity might be motivational specially on your health goals
Now don’t get me wrong. Negativity is not good for your health but is surely motivating. When you are conscious and unhappy about your health, then only you get an actual reason to work on it. Addressing the problem is the first baby step, while avoidance is another tricky mistress.
Related Read: Coffee Wack Crack and Weightloss
7. You against the whole world
Needless, I would let the image talk here
According to Susan David a Harvard Psychologist, holding on to too much positivity makes us less resilient. We eliminate the need to change and avoid to think and learn from the circumstances. “Our emotions can reveal what we value most, and we can then act on those values to evolve into our best selves — resilient, stable, curious, courageous, compassionate and empathetic,” says David.
You should definitely check out the quiz on her website to check on your emotional agility. She even wrote a book “Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change and Thrive in Work and Life”.
And for the bonus point for Millenials searching for the meaning of life,
* You might miss your beacons *
Choosing on avoiding the less desired emotions like anger, grief, and sadness might skip your opportunities to learn about our true virtuesin false hope. We show emotions only about the stuff we care about. Emotions thereby provide us with deep knowledge about ourselves, answering to many unasked questions that we can never else way get to.
Taming our emotions is needed to take control of our life. Pushing them away only results in a magnified bounce back. If you force and focus on being happy, you might feel more unhappy in an effort to avoid pain. But if you perceive happiness as the byproduct by pursuing your virtue and values, you will fall in love with your life. ” To set a goal around “happiness” is antithetical to finding it ” Susan adds.
Susan also claims to have laid out a four-pronged path to emotional agility, enabling engagement to our inner self.
- Showing up: To face any and all the feelings without any, ‘should and should not’. Acceptance is the key here and not just knowing it objectively.
- Stepping out: To create a space between the feeling and oneself, knowing that we don’t need to act on all of those feelings.
- Walking your why: Then we need to establish our believes and values to understand what is important to us before we act on our emotions.
- Moving on: Probably the most important step, which helps us to get away with better goals in life. It calls to separate our ‘want to’ goals which are based on our true virtues apart from the ‘have to’ goals which are more of an external imposture.
“Because you accept the rain as a present reality doesn’t mean that you believe all days are stormy” – Jane Roberts